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My First Red Carpet Premier

As usual, I’ve been lazy and I’m finally getting around to writing about something cool I got to do last month – attend my first red carpet movie premier in New York City.  You know the scene – me surrounded by dozens of A-list celebrities and beautiful women, the bright flashes of light as paparazzi snap photos to be used in tabloids around the world.  Ok, now the truth.  The carpet was probably brown, the celebrities were D-list, and the only flashes I saw originated from my Blackberry.  I was attending the advanced premier of SyFy Channel’s Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid starring 80′s pop icons Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.

Thanks to a friend with a connection at SyFy, I had VIP status at this event held at the Ziegfeld Theater, which basically meant I got to sit in decent seats within a few feet of the stars.  I’d be lying and trying to act cool if I said I wasn’t excited.  I’ve seen my share of SyFy Channel Originals and I knew what to expect – 90 minutes of ridiculous dialogue, over the top action, and terrible CGI.  That’s exactly what I got and I enjoyed every minute of it.

Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid begins when a dedicated animal rights activist/doctor Nikki Riley (Debbie Gibson), steals exotic snakes from laboratories and sets them free in the Everglades.  For some reason that goes unexplained, the snakes grow to massive size (illustrated in spectacularly poor CGI) and begin to eat up the local gator population.  This doesn’t sit well with Park Ranger Terry O’Hara (Tiffany) who fears that the invasive species will decimate the gators so she issues snake hunting permits to the local rednecks.  Predictably, these giant snakes make quick work of the hunters and Terry’s husband.  Determined to get revenge on Nikki, Terry injects a bunch of dead chickens with a type of steroid that increases both muscle growth and aggression.  The gators eat the chickens and there you have it – Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid.  An all out battle ensues between the two species with the local human population serving as collateral damage.  The rest of the film finds the two characters trying to control the damage they have caused, with intentional ridiculousness as only SyFy can pull off.

Anyone trying to review this film in a serious fashion obviously doesn’t get the point.  Mega Python Vs. Gatoroid is self-aware to the point of hyperbole, featuring more winks at the camera than I could count, dialogue references to Gibson and Tiffany songs, and a scantily clad cat fight between the two main stars.  There’s no point in taking this seriously and people who understand the genre know that.  The whole theater roared with applause as the credits rolled.

Following the screening, us VIP’s were invited to attend an after party at a nearby hotel where an entire basement lounge was set up as an 80′s dance/karaoke party offering a lovely open bar stocked with premium booze.  Emceed by Doug E. Fresh, the floor quickly filled up with SyFy lovers dancing to previously forgotten 80′s hits.  I, however, was preoccupied observing the previously famous people who stopped by and creepily trying to get photos with them.

Me & Dustin Diamond - only looking moderately creepy

Over the course of the evening, I had the privilege of meeting Dustin Diamond, Screech of Saved By The Bell fame, as well as Tiffany and Debbie Gibson.  The highlight for me though was Alan Thicke who I grew up watching on Growing Pains.  Mr. Thicke was clearly the hit of the evening and he received plenty of attention from the ladies in attendance along with creeps like me wanting a photo.  I managed to snag photos of all the celebrities and with the Johnnie Walker Black flowing freely, I even made an appearance on the dance floor (thank God there’s no video footage of that) as Tiffany sang her rendition of “Don’t Stop Believing.”  I’m looking forward to Gigantic Gerbil Vs. Mondo Walrus or whatever SyFy comes up with next.

The best photo of the night

Me & the two stars - full on creep with Debbie

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